"I took a parenting class last year and while I didn't love everything about it, I think I got a few good skills from it.
The class stressed descriptive praise versus evaluative praise This comes up all the time on these lists. Saying, "wow, you're eating with a fork." rather than, "good job." The kid needs to know what exactly they are doing that is good. It's also helpful in the what-the-kid-can-do arena versus all the stop-it-knock-it-off reminders: feet on the floor versus quit jumping on the bed.
Next step after learning how to talk like that (very difficult, still working on it because I do find it is helpful), is to figure out what sort of values you want to be working on: cooperation, self-reliance, independence, kindness, generosity. Then you have to attach the values to the behaviour.
Example: "I noticed you're eating with a fork. That demonstrates good table manners." "I noticed that you dressed yourself this morning. That shows self-reliance."
The instructor made a point of saying "that shows self-reliance" versus "you are self-reliant" She argues that the child needs to make the connection between a behaviour showing self-reliance and determining for his/herself that he/she is self-reliant."
The class stressed descriptive praise versus evaluative praise This comes up all the time on these lists. Saying, "wow, you're eating with a fork." rather than, "good job." The kid needs to know what exactly they are doing that is good. It's also helpful in the what-the-kid-can-do arena versus all the stop-it-knock-it-off reminders: feet on the floor versus quit jumping on the bed.
Next step after learning how to talk like that (very difficult, still working on it because I do find it is helpful), is to figure out what sort of values you want to be working on: cooperation, self-reliance, independence, kindness, generosity. Then you have to attach the values to the behaviour.
Example: "I noticed you're eating with a fork. That demonstrates good table manners." "I noticed that you dressed yourself this morning. That shows self-reliance."
The instructor made a point of saying "that shows self-reliance" versus "you are self-reliant" She argues that the child needs to make the connection between a behaviour showing self-reliance and determining for his/herself that he/she is self-reliant."
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