how to praise children

I would like to refine my praise of J and found the following message board post interesting:

"I took a parenting class last year and while I didn't love everything about it, I think I got a few good skills from it.

The class stressed descriptive praise versus evaluative praise This comes up all the time on these lists. Saying, "wow, you're eating with a fork." rather than, "good job." The kid needs to know what exactly they are doing that is good. It's also helpful in the what-the-kid-can-do arena versus all the stop-it-knock-it-off reminders: feet on the floor versus quit jumping on the bed.

Next step after learning how to talk like that (very difficult, still working on it because I do find it is helpful), is to figure out what sort of values you want to be working on: cooperation, self-reliance, independence, kindness, generosity. Then you have to attach the values to the behaviour.

Example: "I noticed you're eating with a fork. That demonstrates good table manners." "I noticed that you dressed yourself this morning. That shows self-reliance."

The instructor made a point of saying "that shows self-reliance" versus "you are self-reliant" She argues that the child needs to make the connection between a behaviour showing self-reliance and determining for his/herself that he/she is self-reliant."



A Squash and a Squeeze

Do you know the wonderful book 'A Squash and A Squeeze' by Julia Donaldson? It's one of our favourites.

It's a rhyming fable that tells of a little old lady who thinks her home is too small. A wise man tells her to take in a succession of animals so that it really is a squash in the house. When she follows his advice to take them out, she finds the house is enormous. An important lesson in appreciating what you have.

"Wise old man, won’t you help me, please?

My house is a squash and a squeeze.”

Well, the updated version which we have lived through at home involves a gigantic treadmill that was bought with very good intentions. It became part of the furniture (including being decorated with lights at Christmas!) but was finally sold on e-bay a couple of weeks ago. Hurrah!

Our home really does feel enormous now. I might even tap out a jig like the cow in the story to celebrate...