Simplify Your Morning Routine

This is a lazy blog! Below is an article lifted directly from Attachment Parenting International .

I know the theory of a morning routine (ie prepare the night before) but am caught off-guard so often by J (eg him waking at 5.45am like this morning and therefore removing any time I thought I might have to shower/dress before he wanted me). It's a shame these tips don't give guidance as to what age is being referred to. J is 23 months old - what is reasonable to expect of him? I like the idea of using these to "get my mental engine revving" (as the author puts it). Brrm. Brrm.

Simplify Your Morning Routine (click for link)

By Sharon Chinn-Heritch

How can I make my mornings flow more smoothly? This is one of life's perennial questions. In order to help my fellow moms, I'm sharing some of the tips that have helped me make mornings work better for my family. Credit also goes to the Flylady Marla Cilley, and Deneice Shofield.

Tip #1. A good morning starts the afternoon before. By this I mean get your child (or children) started down that road toward bedtime early enough so that you are not caught by surprise when it's past time for them to be in bed, and that snowballs into you getting to bed late, and waking up already behind. With enough sleep you can do more than you thought possible. But only with adequate rest can you do your personal best.
[yes, yes, yes!!! I totally agree. But much easier said than done. We still haven't changed our biological clocks and the actual change to summer time happened over a week ago!!!!]

Tip #2. Take responsibility for getting yourself to bed on time. Yes, yes, I know all that needs to be done, and how the buck stops at your door. Babies don't watch clocks, and toddlers don't ask permission to get stomach viruses. Take care of them, of course. But we do have our own little vices that keep us away from our beds. Sometimes it's over-cleaning, believe it or not. Mine are Law & Order, Queer Eye, and CSI, not to mention computer time and reading. Sometimes my husband even makes the list of distractions! OK, that one's worth it. But seriously, choices have to be made. Do you even remember the plot of the TV show you sacrificed to stay up and watch last week? Enough said.

Tip #3. Have a before-bed routine that includes checking your schedule for the next day, checking the weather forecast, and choosing your clothes for the next day. There's nothing to throw a monkey wrench in your day like waking up at your normal time to find you were expected at the dentist half an hour earlier.

Tip #4. Get up before your little ones and get dressed all the way to your shoes. Easier to do as the babies get older, but the advantages are that you are ready for anything, and as you know, moms have to be ready for anything because . . . things happen. Put on your sunscreen/moisturizer and whatever makeup you like to wear, because it's unlikely you'll have a chance to go back and do it later in the day.
[lovely when I do do this... but sometimes it's absolutely impossible]

Tip #5. Get your morning medicines lined up in the order you need to take them by putting them in pill-a-day pillboxes. Keep it up high so it's out of range of little hands but where you'll see it every morning. Mine goes in the cupboard that I open every morning to make breakfast. Some physicians recommend that healthy people take "daily" vitamins only every other day - that's what mine told me to do. But I was always forgetting whether today was a vitamin day or not. The problem was solved by taking my vitamin on even numbered days. A slight adjustment is needed at the start of the month, and my brain is free from one more burden.

Tip #6. Begin to train your children to dress themselves from a very young age. Slow but steady, that's the ticket. If you take over and do it for them, compliant children can become convinced that they're incompetent and give up trying, while others are more (ahem) . . . persistent, insisting on doing it themselves and will create huge power struggles over buttoning buttons and pulling on shirts. It's an investment of time that pays off big dividends when they can dress themselves in the morning while you're showering and (gasp!) Fixing Your Hair. Well, maybe they'll need some supervision and some help putting the extra clothes back in the drawer after they've finished getting dressed, but it's still a big help.
[I'm aware of the need to start this. J can undress quite well when he chooses - but we need to work at the dressing.]

Tip #7. Plastic dishes & cups (at least for the children) on a low shelf where children can reach them make getting breakfast easier. My son's earliest set of "dishes" were Tupperware lids. We had a lot of them, they were free, unbreakable, and did the job well. So while you make the toast and get the orange juice from the refrigerator, you can ask your child to bring you his plate and cup to fill. It really saves time.
Lots of breakfast foods are child-friendly. You may have a special drawer in the refrigerator and shelf in the pantry for foods that your children are permitted to prepare for themselves, e.g. dry cereal if they can't pour milk yet, string cheese or cheese cubes, bread, hard boiled eggs, sliced meats, washed fruits.
[I think I may try putting J's cups and dishes in an accessible place - it's worth a try]

Tip #8. If a child is old enough to carry a plate, he or she is old enough to carry it to the sink when the meal is over. Make this a habit, and your life will be much simpler. Use phrases like "Let's make the table clean and clear!" to explain your goal. Using simple directions is, of course, necessary at first. But let your child understand that the job isn't finished until the table is completely cleared off - not just when his or her part is done.
[We're not in the habit of doing this. I get J to wipe his "tray" on the high chair from time to time, but it's not an everyday expectation. No reason why not. I'll try it!]


Well, that's enough to chew on for quite a while. None of these tips are meant to be set in stone. Everything has to adjust to the needs and constraints of particular families. Use them as a starting point to get your mental engine revving and you'll probably come up with lots of ideas that you can share with our group too.

I look forward to reading your ideas!

how to praise children

I would like to refine my praise of J and found the following message board post interesting:

"I took a parenting class last year and while I didn't love everything about it, I think I got a few good skills from it.

The class stressed descriptive praise versus evaluative praise This comes up all the time on these lists. Saying, "wow, you're eating with a fork." rather than, "good job." The kid needs to know what exactly they are doing that is good. It's also helpful in the what-the-kid-can-do arena versus all the stop-it-knock-it-off reminders: feet on the floor versus quit jumping on the bed.

Next step after learning how to talk like that (very difficult, still working on it because I do find it is helpful), is to figure out what sort of values you want to be working on: cooperation, self-reliance, independence, kindness, generosity. Then you have to attach the values to the behaviour.

Example: "I noticed you're eating with a fork. That demonstrates good table manners." "I noticed that you dressed yourself this morning. That shows self-reliance."

The instructor made a point of saying "that shows self-reliance" versus "you are self-reliant" She argues that the child needs to make the connection between a behaviour showing self-reliance and determining for his/herself that he/she is self-reliant."



A Squash and a Squeeze

Do you know the wonderful book 'A Squash and A Squeeze' by Julia Donaldson? It's one of our favourites.

It's a rhyming fable that tells of a little old lady who thinks her home is too small. A wise man tells her to take in a succession of animals so that it really is a squash in the house. When she follows his advice to take them out, she finds the house is enormous. An important lesson in appreciating what you have.

"Wise old man, won’t you help me, please?

My house is a squash and a squeeze.”

Well, the updated version which we have lived through at home involves a gigantic treadmill that was bought with very good intentions. It became part of the furniture (including being decorated with lights at Christmas!) but was finally sold on e-bay a couple of weeks ago. Hurrah!

Our home really does feel enormous now. I might even tap out a jig like the cow in the story to celebrate...

More tips for supporting a toddler's emotional development (taken from Baby Corner)

Tips for Supporting Your Toddler's Emotional Development

by Dr. Clare Albright


1. Label the emotions that your child may be feeling when they go through experiences that could stimulate emotions. For example, if they slip you can say, "That was scary," and when they look angry you can say, "You're feeling angry right now." This will help your child to understand what is happening to them and to be able to make good choices about how to cope with their emotions.

2. Mirror your child when they share negative emotions by repeating back their sentence to them. If your child says, "I'm scared," you can say, "This is scary for you!" This lets your child know that you care about their pain and that you can connect with them on that level. Most parents jump quickly to reassuring or to educational responses, which can leave the child feeling unheard and alone with their negative emotions.

3. Tell your child what you are feeling when their behavior is upsetting to you. By using a direct approach when communicating, you can protect your child from the guilt and shame that they may internalize because of your unspoken, non-verbal behavior.

4. Tell your child, "I am angry right now," instead of the common third person variation, "Mommy is feeling angry right now." This role-models using "I" statements and creates more vulnerability and intimacy in the parent-child relationship.

5. Remember that your toddler's emotional "storms" are only a phase that will soon pass. When your child throws tantrums, prefers one parent over the other, or says 'no' continually it may be wiser to ignore their behavior rather than to 'tangle' with it, 'engage' with it or to try to use discipline. These 'storms' often disappear as children become more confident and secure about being a separate person from their parents and having their own identity - usually by the age of four.

6. Invest extra time to allow your child to try to do things on their own. Toddlers love to experiment with putting on clothing, pouring the juice, housecleaning, etc. This is the developmental stage where your main role is fostering your child's trust in his/her own self.

7. Use feeling words to strengthen your intimacy with your child and their capacity to be intimate with others. An easy way to form strong bonds with others is to share your feelings and reactions with them. Role model this skill for your child.

8. Consider investing in counseling for yourself. Your child is most likely going to become a "clone" of who you are in the area of emotions. If you are irritable, bitter, or anxious, your child is likely to walk in your footsteps and to become stuck in the same emotional pot holes that you are stuck in.

Verbalising feelings

The quote below is taken from the "how to mom" blog http://www.howtomom.info/2012/02/verbalizing-feelings.html. By verbalising feelings we feel calmer - the blog gives a link to a scientific paper explaining from a physical point of view the areas of the brain that are affected.

I was very aware of how a friend ("A") at the weekend was dealing with her daughter who's 2 in a few days time. "A" was helping her daughter verbalise "being cross". She was also giving clear reasons for why she was asking her to do things (eg "Put those [branches of holly berries] down. The berries can make you poorly"). "A" is training to be a psychiatrist and is very calm when dealing with her feisty toddler. I found it very helpful to see these things in practice.

I would like to help J verbalise more - at this stage he doesn't have much vocabulary (though since last Friday he now says a very clear "choc-let" - in exactly the same way as the "Little Britain" Fatfighters character Marjorie Dawes does :-) ) - so it's a question of me giving him the words to help label the frustration etc.

I see other people who deal with toddler outbursts with too much reassurance or criticism - "there's no need for all that" or "what's the matter now?" (these are things I have heard people say to J). I will try and keep a log of how I deal with different things over a few days - it's too easy (especially since we're so busy) to just deal with whatever is happening right now and not reflect on it.

______________________ ___________________ __________________

This link will take you to a research article from the journal of "Psychological Science":  

http://www.scn.ucla.edu/pdf/AL(2007).pdf

In this article, they study the link between affect labeling and certain chemical responses in the brain.  Their findings are pretty interesting.  It basically says that verbalizing our feelings makes our sadness, anger and pain less intense.  They extend verbalizing to mean not only saying aloud, but also writing down on paper... basically labeling it of any sort.


This gist is:  saying that your angry tells your body that you know that you're angry and it's ok to calm down now.


The science is:  When you have an emotional reaction a part of your brain called the "amygdala" turns on.  It's job is to protect the body in times of danger.  Activation of the amygdala can cause increased heart rate and force of each beat ("pounding heart"); increased muscle tension that can even cause tremors; sweaty but cold palms; and even nausea and diarrhea.


When you label your emotion, either by saying it out loud ("I'm angry") or writing it down on paper, you activate another part of the brain called the "right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex".  This part of the brain is in charge of thinking in words about emotional experiences.  When it turns on, it basically tells the amygdala to chill out; that way your body can calm down and you can stop reacting and start thinking again.

How to raise an emotionally intelligent child

I've been googling a bit to see about tantrums and emotions (both toddlers' and parents'!). This article is taken from the website BabyCenter. I would like to read "proper" books about all this and not just google but as a start:

How to raise an emotionally intelligent child

Toddlers bring new meaning to the word "mercurial." One moment your child is king of the world, running around full of glee; the next he's a raging bull, crying in utter frustration and hurling his toys across the room. Like many parents, you may find it hard to know just how to respond during these trying times.

Experts believe that these childhood meltdowns are the best opportunities to teach your child at an early age — when he's making leaps and bounds in his emotional growth — how to manage strong feelings and calm himself down. And the secure circle of the family is the first and best place to teach these life lessons.

In his book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, psychologist John Gottman says that when you help your child understand and handle overwhelming feelings such as anger, frustration, or confusion, you develop his emotional intelligence quotient, or emotional IQ.

And, says Gottman, a child with a high emotional IQ is better able to cope with his feelings, can bring himself down from emotional high-wire acts, understands and relates well with others, and can form strong friendships more easily than a child with a lower emotional IQ.

Other experts have joined the chorus, touting the role of emotional IQ in helping children become confident, responsible, and successful adults who navigate skillfully through interpersonal relationships.

How can you help raise your child's emotional IQ? Gottman teaches a tactic he calls "emotion coaching," a series of steps you can use to teach your child to analyze feelings and handle conflict. Here's how it works:

Listen with empathy.
Pay close attention to your child when he says how he feels, then mirror what he's shared back to him. If you suspect that your child feels abandoned because you've been spending lots of time with the new baby, for example, ask him if that's what's going on. If he agrees, you can say, "You're right. Mommy's been really busy with the baby."

Then, use examples from your own life to show him you understand what he's said. Tell him about how you felt when your own sibling got to go to the amusement park with your father and you didn't, and how your own mom or dad made you feel better. This tells your child that everyone has these feelings, and that they will pass.

Help your child name his feelings.
With limited vocabulary and rudimentary understanding of cause and effect, toddlers often have trouble describing what they feel. You can encourage your child to build an emotional vocabulary by giving him labels for his feelings. If he's acting disappointed about not being able to go to the park, you might say, "You feel sad about that, don't you?"

You can also let him know that it's normal to have conflicting emotions about something — for instance, he may be both excited and scared during his first week at daycare.

If your child seems sad or upset for no immediate reason, try looking at the big picture and thinking about what might be troubling him. Have you moved recently? Did you and your spouse have an argument in his presence? If you're not sure what's going on, watch and listen to him while he plays. If he makes the Mommy doll shout a lot, you'll have a pretty good idea what's bothering him.

Validate your child's emotions.
Instead of saying, "There's no reason to get so upset" when your child gets mad and throws a tantrum because he's unable to put together a puzzle, acknowledge how natural his reaction is. Say, "It's really frustrating when you can't finish a puzzle, isn't it?" Telling him his reactions are inappropriate or excessive will make him feel as if he should muzzle them.

Turn tantrums into teaching tools.
If your child gets upset when he hears that he has an appointment with the dentist, help him feel in control by preparing for the visit. Talk with him about why he's afraid, what he can expect during the visit, and why he needs to go. Tell him about a time you had stage fright before a recital or were scared to start a new job and one of your friends made you feel better. Talking through emotions works the same way for children as it does for most adults.

Use conflicts to teach problem-solving.
When your toddler goes head-to-head with you or another child, make his limits clear, then guide him toward a solution. For example, you can say, "I know you're upset with your sister for knocking over your block tower, but you can't hit her. What else can you do if you get mad?"

If your child doesn't have any ideas, give him options. Anger management specialist Lynne Namka advises telling your child to first check his tummy, jaw, and fists to see if they're tight, breathe deeply "to blow the mad out," and to feel good about recovering control. Then, Namka says, help your child use a strong voice to talk his anger out, beginning with something like, "I feel mad when you yell like that." Children should know that it's okay to be angry, as long as they don't hurt other people for that reason.

Set an example by staying calm.
You'll also want to check how you react to your child's display of emotions. It's important not to be verbally harsh when you're angry. Try saying, "It upsets me when you do that," rather than "You make me crazy," so your child understands that the problem is his behavior, not him. Be careful to avoid excessive criticism, which tends to chip away at a child's self-confidence.

And above all else, stay in touch with your own feelings. Some parents ignore their own negative emotions, hoping to spare their children discomfort or difficulty. But hiding your real feelings will only confuse your child. By acknowledging that you're displeased without acting upset, for instance, you show your child that even difficult feelings can be managed.

Noooooooooooooo

First day back at work after the holidays. All I heard this morning was "no, no, no". Getting ready with any kind of time limit is tough! When it says pet word is "no" in the list below, it's not kidding!  Gesell's Stages Of Development (click for link) 18 Months Period of disequilibrium. This refers to emotional instability - not physical imbalance. Child may have tantrums, laugh one minute, cry the next, get angry and frustrated easily. Seems to walk down one-way street the wrong way from the adult point of view. Asked to "come here," either stands there or runs in opposite direction, may even walk backwards. Asked to put something in the wastebasket, more likely to empty out what is already in it. Hold out your hand to take the just emptied cup and he will drop it to the floor. Give him a second sock to put on and he will probably remove the one already on his foot. Seems to enjoy the opposite, but you can put this to work. If he is running away from you, say "Bye-bye" and walk away from him. He may come running. Seldom obeys a verbal command. Pet word is "No." There are so many abilities he has not yet mastered. He has not yet reached the place where he is easily motivated by words, not yet at the place where he can wait. Efforts to get him to wait are usually doomed to failure. "Now" is the one dimension of time important to him. Interpersonal relations are all "take," and no "give." He may treat people except parents, especially children, as objects, even to the point of stepping on them. He has not begun the concept of sharing. Understands more words than he can say, though that is extremely limited.

Can walk, run, sometimes climb, but balance is very unsteady. Usually has a quick temper and needs to have something "Now." His emotions are as immature as any other part of him. Suggestions for handling: a. Remember he is an extremely immature creature b. Do not call him. Lure, pick up, and carry. c. Physical barriers to prohibit things are much better than verbal. d. Any verbal commands should be short and simple: "Coat, hat, out." e. Keep demands at a minimum. f. Give close and constant physical supervision. g. Give him plenty of outlets for his energy. h. Use guile. Do something interesting to lure him.

Christmas with a toddler - move over angels, here comes Incey Wincey!

1. Our tree is fantastically esoteric. It has a spider J made at the top and much of the decorating was done by him too (eg little "zill" cymbals; luggage labels... and baubles 5 deep on some branches). I love it. Give me that over some I've seen that are so perfect and symetrical and look like shop window ones.

2. J made and ate his first trifle today. We had great fun :-)   First he nibbled every sponge finger he took out of the packet before lining the glass dish with them. When I poured in the tin of fruit salad he quickly hoovered up all the cherries and proceeded to pick out all the other bits he particularly fancied. He helped pour in the jelly and later on when the jelly was cold, he smoothed out the custard and enjoyed licking the spoon. As ever, he took using the electric mixer very seriously (imitating the noise at the same time) as we whipped the double cream. Then came decorating using smarties and grated chocolate. What restraint! He managed to put a whole mini box of smarties on the top without eating a single one. Then scoffed two mini bars of chocolate (meant for grating) :-))  He LOVED eating his masterpiece at the end. I remember asking a German whether they had a word for "trifle" and described it for them... "Kalorienbombe" they said. Yeah - sums it up :-)

3. J started very slowly with present opening. By midday on Christmas day, he'd only opened three presents. It was very gratifying that the Maisy ball I (or rather Father Christmas) had got was a big hit. By the end of the day, he was ripping the paper off new presents every few minutes! There are so many that it continued today and he still has more left for tomorrow. The new Dyson I got him was used for a good 20 minutes to vacuum his cot (he sat in it and cleaned it all). Where does he get this obsession with cleaning from!??

4. Although the first few scenes were rather dull for J, he started to be entranced by the Mary Poppins DVD
when M.P. began singing and dancing. A particular hit was the farmyard scene (Holiday with Mary) where the animals all sing too. Huge grins from J.

5. His love of ripping off the wrapping paper started to be problematic today. He ripped a page from a book and ripped a Christmas card in two. So I put him in his "den" box (huge cardboard box) with all the paper due for recycling and we had a wonderful time ripping, scrunching, throwing and playing peepo.

6. New words: "-ick" (stick) which I heard when we were den-building in the wood yesterday morning (we went for a walk in the vain hope he'd nap as he was exhausted but ended up collecting big sticks and building a den with them - great fun!'); "bye" (said very clearly and with my intonation ie byee... very cute)

7. He acts out a lot of things with his toys. I found him in his cot with three of them in deep conversation (dinosaur, froggy and tiger). He does a good roar for dino and was babbling for the others. His new elephant pressed the button on the train set using her ear. The two elephants were both wagging their tails with pleasure at one point yesterday! (He knows dogs wag their tails and has carried this over to all animals- even the frog whose little label is used as a tail!).

8. He was very happy to sit on Father Christmas' knee at Hatton- some kids have a screaming fit and are scared stiff. And Santa did a high five with him at the end! (Since when did Santa start high fives!!!! Never happened in my day...). We've met quite a few Santas this year. The one at the nursery was a grumpy one - didn't say a word! We bumped into one at the Sports Centre legging it down the stairs (I think he was late for an appearance at a party) - he stopped and handed J a little bag of sweets before running off! Plus the Hatton one. There wasn't a queue when we went so we had a good few minutes chatting.

9. Goodness knows what image of Christmas he has from the advent calendar! Each window is a joke, so there's Good King Wenceslas with his "deep and crisp and even" pizza (J kept pointing at that - he loves pizza); an owl; a duck; a penguin;.... I can't remember them all. The Hatton nativity tableau and story didn't help in terms of the "real" story either. The peacock clearly thought he should have a role in the nativity and strutted about with the sheep and donkey... and the mannequins forming the tableau are all female ones. So you have 3 Wise Men and Joseph all with with beards and bosoms!

10. The best gift for me has been J's sleeping. You may remember that J didn't properly sleep through till about 14 months. I have been desperate to get him to bed earlier - it's often ended up 8.30 and sometimes much later. The lack of bath is a real pain (I know, I should be used to it by now...). No time for much other than clearing up and preparing for work afterwards if he doesn't go down till late.

Well we've had 2 instances of getting to bed by 8pm now, and he's been wanting to stay in his bed till gone 8am for several days. Bliss. He makes noises loud enough to wake me up while he's sleeping (especially after about 6am) - but I don't need to go in to see him. There are lots of things that affect his sleep of course: teething his molars has been problematic recently; not having the cast on unsettles him (must feel odd when he has it 13 out of 14 days); he's been wheezy and coughing lately too - but if we can have runs of good nights like this, I'll be a different person :-)

Hope everyone reading had as much fun (especially the non-traditional things) as we did this Christmas. I'll try and post photos - you'll love the tree :-)    Got to take advantage of Sleeping Beauty next door and get some shuteye myself now though. Gute Nacht. Schlaf gut!   

The Tiger Who Came To Tea

Yesterday we took J to the theatre for the first time and saw The Tiger Who Came To Tea.

One word sums up the experience: brilliant :-)

J loved it.

It had elements of slapstick ("Daddy" is quite a clown, putting his shoes in the toaster and the tea cosy on his head), pantomime (the characters on the stage don't see the Tiger when he first appears, so there's lots of calling out), and musicals (singing and dancing eg Tiger-obics, which we all were encouraged to get up and join in with). Plus there were ideas which are very appealing to toddlers/pre-schoolers, for example food, doorbells and ticking/chiming clocks.

Since J's concentration is usually very good and he loves music/dancing, I thought it would be ok but he was fantastic - he sat on my lap for the whole hour and was utterly entranced by the whole experience. He joined in with the clapping and since we were sitting just 3 rows from the stage, everything felt very immediate and powerful.

I can't wait to take him to the theatre again. I hope they repeat the Gruffalo soon - he was too young when that was last being staged, but as a great fan of the book, I think he'd very much enjoy the play.

Ha ha :-)

Hooray for Christmas lights

J pointed out of the window and went "bang" for many nights after bonfire night... He soooo enjoyed the fireworks - not just the ones we could see from home, but the local Round Table display as well! Not every 18 month old's cup of tea I know! Unexpected noises can startle him, but when he knows what it is, he's quite tolerant (eg the vacuum cleaner starting up unexpectedly is a bit scary, but then there's no stopping J. He is happy to vacuum for hours! We were staying at friends last week and practically burned out their poor Henry. It's genuine cleaning too - he's good at spotting where dirt is).

Having to say "no, no more fireworks for another *twelve* months" was hard (though it doesn't mean much to him!).

Now we can see lots of Christmas lights out of the window. Several of my neighbours have gone overboard and during dinner, we turn the main light off and admire the flashing and twinkling. J has been signing "twinkle" and "left/right" (I was commenting on how some of the lights looked like they were going one way and then the other).

Thank goodness we've got something to replace the fireworks :-) 

I'll have to see where there are good local displays (Oxford Street is a bit of a trek, but maybe Birmingham??)

(this isn't near us, thank goodness - though it would keep J amused for a long while. Heaven knows what their electricity bill is!!)

What J likes part 1 - age 17 months - part 1

I thought it'd be fun to list what J likes at the moment at 17 months. Some of these border on obsessions, given how much he does them:

• dancing (by bending knees and bobbing up and down) - this makes mummy laugh :-) At the weekend we were doing the hokey cokey and other action songs and he was grinning the whole time. He's very good at spinning round too)

• music (J responds so much to music - sometimes he sits transfixed, sometimes he dances. When I turn on music in the car, he has started making froggy (the frog that's hung on the carseat in front of him) dance by grabbing the legs and waving them up and down. He has a big grin on his face when he does this.)

• other children (younger and older) - he's fascinated by them and loves watching and interacting with them. He's really quite sociable (which is great!) - although he may be a bit quieter in a new setting, he's not a shy child.

• cooking - he's loved mixing and stirring for ages, but the latest thing is making omelettes (cracking open eggs, pouring them into the bowl, using the electric mixer (and imitating it), cutting the butter - all done with a great deal of concentration).

• the word 'couscous' - he laughs whenever I say it :-)

• pushing round his shopping trolley

• trucks, dustbin trucks, cement mixers, planes, trains. Please don't say "typical boy" - he loves such a range of things that are "typically boy" as well as "typically girl" things. I cringe at the toaster he has - it came from an NCT sale and is pink and has "girls only" on it. Yuck yuck yuck...  but he loves the way the toast pops up and has no problem with the colour or inscription (yet!).

• Making cups of tea, offering them to others and pretending to drink them himself (with lipsmacking etc too)

• vacuuming (or rather, pretending to vacuum, as it's too noisy for him when switched on! Again, he likes imitating the noise)

• cleaning with a dustpan and brush (we were staying with friends at the weekend and they were concerned that J was going into the cupboard below the sink where non-toddler friendly things were kept. J showed no interest in anything other than the dustpan and brush, and kept getting them out all weekend :-)

• hairdryers (he returns to the drawer where mine is kept several times every day and then carries it round, making the noises, pointing at his or my hair and trying to plug it in.

• Thomas the Tank Engine, Peppa Pig, Maisy (pictures, stories, DVDs... everything)

• the moon (he spotted the moon for the first time last week, and now points at it very insistently every time we see it)

By the way - I have been wracking my brains for "moon" songs - any suggestions? All I could think of was "Au Clair De La Lune" (link to wikipedia) but got stuck with the words. For the record - here's the first verse:

Au clair de la lune

Mon ami Pierrot

Prête-moi ta plume

Pour écrire un mot

Ma chandelle est morte

Je n'ai plus de feu

Ouvre-moi ta porte

Pour l'amour de Dieu

• fastenings (he can sit for a very long time with things as simple as the fastening of my bag or the buggy so and I've just bought 2 special boards as part of his Christmas present. I think they're great - let's hope he does too: a latches board  (link to Amazon)

and a basic skills board (link to Amazon).

[Yes they are aimed at older kids, but his fine motor skills are so good I think he'll be ready for them before he's 3 or 4 (which is what they say!)]

Right - that's enough for now! To be continued...

No TV - no problem

Well we have been without any TV since 21 September, and so far it's been absolutely fine. Once or twice I have got up from putting J to bed and thought that I would have flopped on the sofa if I'd had a telly - but it's not that I really want to do it. I have started listening to Radio 4 in the evening which I haven't done since J was born - I feared it would wake him up as the kitchen is near his room, but have found that it doesn't now (it might have done when he was younger as he was a poor sleeper) - and I am really enjoying the variety and the new ideas. I am missing reading at the mo (I'm too knackered come bedtime) but Radio 4 in the evening is helping with that.

We've now got several DVDs for J including Peppa, Thomas, Maisy, Fireman Sam and In The Night Garden. J's favourites are the first three mentioned above. I really regret buying In the Night Garden - soooo boring.... whereas I really look forward to the next Thomas episode (we have 3 DVDs and each has 26 episodes!). We have 2 episodes of a DVD each evening - 10 minutes - and I sit with J on the sofa and point things out or talk about it after (as much as you can with a 17 month old!) which means it's more of a shared activity. I still don't think it's "necessary" but J is very active much of the time and I think he quite enjoys the sitting down together.

The DVDs have actually formed a useful part of the evening routine - after losing bathtime (due to scoliosis) and breastfeeding (about the same time as stopping bathtime) we seemed to have nothing specific to do between wash and bed and it felt a bit unstructured and could stretch out for ages. Now we read books (lots - sometimes 5 in the evening!) and might play a little bit and then finally J has a beaker of milk watching the 2 episodes of a DVD.

I've just borrowed a DVD for me (The Time Traveller's Wife) and am looking forward to watching that some time. Instead of watching rubbish on the TV (I'd fallen into bad habits out of tiredness) I will try and make conscious decisions about what I choose as DVDs. Or at least that's my good intention!

We don't need no education

Apparently there were a few outbursts in Coventry last week during the riots. Nothing on the scale of violence seen elsewhere.

As I was out walking at the weekend, this caught my eye:

I've heard of an educated guess - is that an uneducated prodiction?

Going TV free

In less than a month's time my TV will stop working. Or rather, it will stop working as a TV with channels - I will be able to watch DVDs and videos (yes, I do still have a video player!). 

I have been putting "buy digital TV" in my diary since March when they started going digital in my area and finally got round to looking at them last weekend. A chat with the sales person at John Lewis led me to choosing the following qualities:

• LED (back lit so better picture)
• 32" (don't want it to swamp the living room - some of them are massive and become such a feature in a room. The current one is about 24” and I like the modest size.)
• slot for memory card (for videos/photos)
• able to play BBC i-player etc (if I also get a £50 dongle** - the way the living room is set up would make it impossible to lead a USB cable across to the TV)

**Don't you love the word "dongle"? Who came up with that one???

I'd also like to be able to record programmes and something along the lines of a Humax TV recorder looks good - though I've heard friends talk about how they can go wrong. The guarantee is only for 2 years suggesting that even the manufacturers think they don't have long lives. The TVs have a 5 year guarantee.

All in all the sales person and I worked out a package that would cost me about £800. Perhaps a different shop or a sale would cut that cost – but we’re still looking at a sizeable sum of money.

Fortunately J was a good excuse to leave (he was having a great time trying to pull leads out of the TVs) and "have a think".

So ever since Sunday I've been thinking on and off about whether to get a new TV at all.

My reasoning is as follows:

Why it’d be good not to have a TV

1. J is only 15 months old. We can get a TV at some future date. I am not saying he’ll be in some anti-technology household and the butt of jokes at school about never having seen X on TV. However, I have a golden opportunity now to put off the whining requests about wanting to watch television. Once you start allowing it, children want more. J won’t miss it at the moment.
2. J has so far had almost no exposure to television. I put it on occasionally in the evening for me to have some "flop" time, but the sound is muted and I use the sub-titles (J is surprised when he's at other people's houses and sound comes out!). We have watched parts of Countryfile and Springwatch and pointed at the tractors or animals - but he hasn't seen much at all.
3. The nursery comment on J’s long concentration span. I have NO evidence to link this to the lack of television, but I have read that if children watch a lot of television they can have a shorter concentration span (they're used to images changing so quickly). You may shoot me down with examples of your children being very good at concentrating despite being keen on TV, but if there is a possibility of it having a negative effect, then why chance it?
4. We can still watch DVDs. We don't have many toddler ones at the moment - and J shows almost no interest in sitting and watching them when I put them on - but if I think I'd like him to start watching something at some stage, then I can choose that. It gives the advantage that I remain in control. Plus there are no adverts. I could write a long blog about the inappropriateness of adverts (eg the pinkification of all things to do with girls; the make-up (!!) offered to entice 5 year olds to buy certain shoes; the violence of certain characters) - I’ll save that for another time. 
5. My will-power is very low at the moment, so although I would like to have more time to read, it is far too easy to just put on the TV and sit in front of anything that's on once I’ve put J to bed and got things ready for the next day. If it’s not there, I won’t be able to watch it. It could be an interesting experiment if nothing else!
6. I don’t *want* to start watching huge amounts of television. So why spend lots on fantastic sound and picture quality?? My current TV was £70 from Tescos about 5 years ago. The picture and sound quality are probably rubbish – but there is nothing we watch that necessitates anything better at the moment. I haven’t got time to watch an entire film (haven’t watched one since J was born except one outing to the cinema for a mums and babies session with the lights on!). There are occasionally times when I see adverts for films I’d like to see (The King’s Speech or the last Harry Potter) but even if I got them out on DVD I don’t see that I need a cinematic experience at home to enjoy them.  

Why it’s not so good not to have a TV

1.     There are times when it *would* be useful to put J in front of something and know where he was while I get on with other things. Like an electronic babysitter. Am I making my life harder by not using a television for this purpose? A small amount of this is not going to harm J. It’d be a question of making sure it didn’t displace other activities for J.

2.     There was a girl at secondary school who was a couple of years above me - Jenny. Her mother didn’t let her watch commercial stations (I think there was more to the restrictions than just that, but that is one I remember). It was seen as odd by other pupils – but I wonder what effect it actually had? Jenny had “wacky” hair and clothes later on- was her slightly rebellious appearance down to anti-parenting sentiment, or could it be that she had a stronger sense of self because her mother’s stance helped her develop her individuality? Not sure that’s very clearly written. I’m thinking as I write. Anyway, we’re talking about teenagers not toddlers.

3.     I would hate to become evangelistic about it! The danger is that I could start feeling virtuous about neither of us ever watching TV. I’d like to make it clear that I’m not particularly anti TV – there *are* some great programmes. But for now, there is a window of opportunity to experience a different kind of life!

4.     I would like to be better informed about what’s happening in the world and TV news is easy to access – though at the moment I don’t even watch that unless my “flop” time happens to coincide with it! I may listen to snippets of Radio 4 in the car and see the odd half hour of Sky News when I’m at the gym but that’s it. Is that shocking? When J was having swimming lessons at the Hilton, I used to take advantage of the free newspapers, so would at least read of one of them once a week. Whether or not I buy a new TV I think I need to find ways to be better informed – making an effort to watch the news online maybe or buy a newspaper regularly (and make the time to read it! ).  

Alternatives? I could get a set-top box I guess so we continue to have a TV with minimal outlay. But the whole “how much TV do I really want us to watch?” question isn’t addressed by that – and if I am going to get a better TV in the near future it’d be daft to pay anything extra.

Conclusion: I think we’ll try to live TV-free until Christmas - and perhaps even until J's second birthday. I’ll keep you posted!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog!

I am the mother of J - a wonderful, gorgeous and amazing little boy.

The intention in setting up this blog is to have a space to:

1. Think about parenting
2. Record our family life in all its richness
3. Reflect on life in general
4. "Keep" the quirky things that are so easily lost, but which brighten up the day

I already have a blog:  http://infantilescoliosis-diary.blogspot.com/
That has a different purpose - it is a record of my son's treatment for infantile scoliosis - and although some posts could fit in either blog, I will try and keep J's scoliosis ones separate.